I can't
by IllusiveBirds
Summary: "Will you go out with me?" She stared up at him tears now brimming in her eyes for all the wrong reasons. "I can't." She said before pulling quickly out of his grasp and off the train, but not quickly enough to see the flash of pain in his eyes.


**A little story that I thought of about James and Lily. I was going to do James point of view as well however thought the song worked with Lily's character. **

**(**_**Your song by Kate Walsh)**_

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter.**

I CAN'T?

The one of the last times James Potter asked Lily Evans on a date was July 20th 1977. As the train pulled into platform 9 and ¾, Lily was drained. She had wallowed in self-pity for most of the journey and now that the train was slowly decreasing in speed she found herself near tears. Unlike most normal teenagers in Britain, Lily did not like going home for the summer holidays.

Her relationship with Petunia Evans was the cause. It had gradually deteriorated since that warm summer's morning seventeen years ago, causing it to become a chore to go back to her family over the summer. Knowing the abuse that she would have to endure for the weeks of her stay, she had neglected going home for Christmas for the past three years, claiming that homework and revision in the library was long overdue.

The train slowed to a stop and already children were bursting out of the train doors, rushing to meet parents and struggling with heavy trunks. Lily however stayed back, waving to her friends to go on without her. Now standing in the empty compartment, her owl, Charlie, hooting sleepily, the explosion of noise outside made her feel suddenly very alone.

Sitting down onto the padded seat she put her head in her hands. Her face was hidden but her shoulders gave way to what she was feeling. Almost immediately after, she took a deep shuddering breathe in and wiped her face. Opening the compartment door she smacked into James Potter.

"Ouch" She said sitting up and rubbing her throbbing forehead. She was lying on the floor in the open door of the compartment; Charlie was twittering loudly in his upturned cage, her trunk now lay beside her.

Across from her James sat up groaning, pushing his glasses further up his nose, however when he noticed Lily he blushed a light shade of scarlet and rushed to help her up.

"Sorry, sorry." He muttered quickly grabbing her arm and pulling her into a standing position.

"I'm fine." She said, but James was on a role.

"I swear I didn't know you were going to come out of there, I only came inside to get my shoe. A long story short, Sirius stole my shoe. Bit annoying really but that's Sirius isn't it. One day stealing your last bertie bott and the next your right shoe. Are you sure you're alright? We did collide with each other a little hard. Maybe we should-"

Lily cut him off, putting her hand over his mouth. He stared at her with wide indignant eyes, eyebrows furrowed, as a smile worked its way onto her face.

"I'm fine Potter. No harm done." She said softly. "Now if I take my hand away will you shut up?"

He nodded mutely, still staring at her. Slowly, she removed her hand. Picking up Charlie's cage and her trunk she passed a frozen James, pulling her trunk behind her.

Suddenly James came to life.

"Wait Lily, what are you still doing on the train?" He called after her retreating figure.

Turning she gave him a quizzical look. "Getting my stuff organised."

"Then why have you been crying?" He asked softly this time. In response Lily blushed a bright scarlet.

"What?"

"Why have you been crying?" He repeated, stepping forward slightly.

"I haven't." She said her eyebrow twitching as she lied.

"I take it you're not the only one dreading going home this summer." He stepped forward again.

"See for other people, they love it, getting to see their families but for me." He paused taking yet another step closer, and looking down at his shoeless right foot. "I don't want to see my parents get older. See the stress of the war catch up on them. Death comer nearer." He chuckled ruefully.

Lily still stared at him, wondering why he had said that. It made her feel slightly better though knowing that he too was not looking forward to summer.

Looking up he said. "I told you mine now you have to tell me yours."

"I…I…" She sighed. James eyes bored into to hers. "It's my sister. She has yet to except who I am."

James nodded stepping forward so that his feet were inches from her trunk.

"Can I ask you something?" He said after a moment's pause were both looked outside, into the gradually thinning crowd.

"You just did." She replied softly still looking out the window.

Chuckling James shook his head. "Well another then, why won't you go out with?"

Lily immediately stiffened. Noticing this James face grew solemn.

"Don't you think you owe me this? Just to know why."

'Because I like you.' She thought. However she said aloud. "You don't really like me."

"That's not a real answer."

Lily didn't reply. She didn't need to look at him to know he was staring at her intently.

"Can I ask you? One more time." He said hopefully. Without waiting for an answer he moved so that he was blocking her view out of the window.

"Answer me this truthfully." He took her face in his hands and turned it towards his. She stared up at him. Tears were glazing her green eyes. She knew she couldn't say yes.

'He's only in it for the chase. He doesn't really like you.' She told herself resolutely, even though she knew deep down that she wanted to say yes.

"Will you go out with me?"

She stared up at him tears now brimming in her eyes for all the wrong reasons.

"I can't." She said before pulling quickly out of his grasp and off the train, but not quickly enough to see the flash of pain in his eyes.


End file.
